IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that because children find subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy
Many would argue that some subjects which
children
 usually regard
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
difficult should be compulsory.
However
, in my opinion, it’s better to make hard courses to be optional for the
children
.
To begin
 with, the
children
 period is a part of finding their paths and careers.
Accordingly
, making a habit to choose a field
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they are talented or could be heartful since early years will give them advantages in various ways.
In other words
, ‘Select and choose’ is a necessary attitude in
this
 complex world that involves a lot of works nowadays.
Additionally
, it is undeniable that everyone
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 need to do tough subject matters like math and philosophy well as a member of society. Namely, concentrating in each
children
’s own field, eventually, would be effective to society and
also
 help individuals convenient.
Second
, pressing something to
children
 who have immature ideas and
sensitive
Add a missing verb
are sensitive
show examples
 doesn’t make beneficial results. There are common situations that
children
 react with rejection and even regard it as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
trauma if someone forces them to do what
unpleased
Add a missing verb
is unpleased
show examples
 or difficult for them.
Also
,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
study about
children
 psychology, the
children
 who once were coerced in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 environment easily become spiritless in other similar courses and even
been
Add a missing verb
have been
show examples
 affected to completely new situations with fear and worry. Plus, in the attached data,
children
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 selected their subjects and educational conditions get better grades and become fabulous adults than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 has lived in mandatory situation academically. In conclusion, I firmly claim that giving
children
 the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 choices
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficult subjects bring advantages in not only
Correct article usage
the short-term
show examples
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
 but
also
 in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. I hope in the future, more
children
 get out of the compulsory study system which is prevalent nowadays.
Submitted by shoep11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: