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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doctors recommend that older people should excersice regularly.However many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

There are several recommendations that doctors always advise their older patients to put into practice.Some recommend that those who are aged get involved in performing
exercise
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 many do not take the
hide
Check wording
time
show examples
 to do enough practice.The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
health
Use synonyms
 conditions and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
support
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
members
Use synonyms
. There are many causes of the older generation failing to perform
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, poor
health
Use synonyms
status
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is associated with old age,because they are always prone to illnesses.To illustrate
this
Linking Words
most
Punctuation problem
, most
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 of them have weak immune systems
coupled with
Linking Words
 diseases that make them
not able
Correct word choice
unable
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 to get involved in physical exercises.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the failure of a
support
Use synonyms
 system from the close family
members
Use synonyms
since
Punctuation problem
, since
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 they are weak old
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 much
support
Use synonyms
 in order to perform physical activity.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study from
generic
Correct article usage
a generic
show examples
 organisation has revealed that 80% of aged people who
got
Verb problem
received
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 were not prone to diseases.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the poor
health
Use synonyms
status
Use synonyms
 of the individuals and lack of
support
Use synonyms
 in performing physical training
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the major
hindrance
Fix the agreement mistake
hindrances
show examples
 to being active in
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,the remedy to enable older people to perform
exercise
Use synonyms
 can be put in place.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a routine
check up
Use the right word
check-up
show examples
 on the
health
Use synonyms
status
Use synonyms
 of
elders
Use synonyms
 ought to be done in order to eliminate any condition that will hinder them from physical training.Another measure
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to encourage them
in performing
Change preposition
to perform
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
support
Use synonyms
before
Punctuation problem
, before
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 they get discouraged in physical activity.If the
support
Use synonyms
 from the
members
Use synonyms
 is
effective
Punctuation problem
effective,
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then
Linking Words
elders
Use synonyms
 always feel good and continue in performing the activity more often rather than being indolent.
For instance
Linking Words
,a report by the
Use synonyms
elders
Check wording
elders'
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 association recommends enormous
support
Use synonyms
 from family
members
Use synonyms
 to lift the spirit of
elders
Use synonyms
 in performing exercises.
Thus
Linking Words
, to lift their spirit
frequent
Punctuation problem
, frequent
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health
Use synonyms
 condition
follow up
Use the right word
follow-up
show examples
 and
support
Use synonyms
 is relevant.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 practitioners recommend
Use synonyms
elders
Correct word choice
that elders
show examples
 get involved in physical training in order to improve their
health
Use synonyms
status
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
poor
health
Use synonyms
 and lack of
support
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
members
Use synonyms
 can be a hindrance.
However
Linking Words
,routine follow-up and
support
Use synonyms
 from the family can improve the situation.

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task response
Improve the introduction to clearly state the main issues you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and related details to support it.
task response
Provide more specific examples with clear links to your points.
task achievement
You have identified important reasons for older people not exercising.
task achievement
Your essay includes useful suggestions for improving the situation.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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