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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #punishment #children #point
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in recent decades,shaping
children
Use synonyms
 s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in the best way becomes a popular title among people.some individuals argue that
punishment
Use synonyms
 can be a proper method for forcing
children
Use synonyms
 to behave well.while others believe that
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 with rewarding is the better way.
however
Linking Words
 ,from my point of view,
punishment
Use synonyms
 has a bad
sideffectn
Correct your spelling
side-effect
side-effects
.but,there is
range
Add an article
a range
the range
show examples
 of discussion on both side which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain here. on the one hand,it is true that having
children
Use synonyms
 even in the best condition is challenging enough.raising
children
Use synonyms
 and teaching them what is wrong or right is the hardest part .there is a range of
element
Replace the word
elements
show examples
 which
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 .
punishment
Use synonyms
 can be recognized as a great factor for obeying. it causes
children
Use synonyms
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
 and follow their roles.
therefore
Linking Words
,they put their best foot forward to
behaive
Correct your spelling
behave
 well and repel their bad
sprit
Correct your spelling
spirit
show examples
.
in addition
Linking Words
,they try to get
parents
Use synonyms
 satisfactory and do everything they want to do.
therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 respect them properly.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,rewarding and praising is
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
factors
Replace the adjective
factor
show examples
 for making
children
Use synonyms
 behave well. it makes a good relationship between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.they become
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do not hide anything from them.
children
Use synonyms
 become more mature
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they can trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themseves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 trust them.
secondly
Linking Words
 ,
children
Use synonyms
 become brave enough to come to their
parents
Use synonyms
 and talk about
their
Correct pronoun usage
them their
show examples
 problems and use their
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
.so,
parents
Use synonyms
 become a great
rolmodel
Correct your spelling
role model
 and
children
Use synonyms
 respect them by their heart. in conclusion,
punishment
Use synonyms
 and rewarding are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
two factors for raising
children
Use synonyms
.as we know some punishments are
illiegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 in lots of countries and make
children
Use synonyms
 aggressive
however
Linking Words
 both of them in
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
 is neseccory for
children
Use synonyms
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with rewarding more than
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maherfateme on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • reward
  • reinforcement
  • discipline
  • boundary
  • behavior
  • self-esteem
  • motivation
  • intrinsic
  • consequence
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • resentment
  • positive learning environment
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
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