IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aid #poverty
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In the 21st century, society deals with many social problems like poverty and social inequalities.
On the other hand
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, all these issues need
long lasting
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long-lasting
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solution
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solutions
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 rather than just short term
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solution
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solutions
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. In my opinion, I strongly disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
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 notion that giving
money
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 to poor
people
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 only make limited time solutions which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society changed its outlooks on the basis of
money
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 status and power which will extensively mobilize inequality among
people
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. Admittedly, the rich become
more
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apply
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richer and
poor
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the poor
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 become
more
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apply
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poorer.
For instance
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, common
people
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 need the services of
self dependency
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self-dependency
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 and empowerment for their development rather than giving
money
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 food or material things.
For example
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,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
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 of India introduced employment generating policies among poor village
people
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 for reducing poverty because
authority
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the authority
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 believes that making
money
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 through work enhance
people
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's
self awareness
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self-awareness
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 towards their life.
Moreover
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, in every society financial support for below
poverty
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the poverty
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 line creates
shortage
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a shortage
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 of welfare policies, financial inequalities, lack of division of labour. Admittedly, there are many Mafia and corrupted bureaucrats are involved
for
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in
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 taking service
money
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 from government authorities. To illustrate these, according to
Crime
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the Crime
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 Records Bureau of India reported that 35% of
Correct article usage
the
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financial support of poor
people
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Correct your spelling
spend
tspend
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is tspend
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 by charity
organisation
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organisations
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 for their personal purpose, 10% is taken by government employees.
Therefore
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, giving
money
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 is not a
solution
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 for a problem but it can change through
systematic
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the systematic
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 and respective
way
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ways
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. In conclusion, there is a saying 'a coin has two sides'
similarly
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 every problem has
constructive
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a constructive
the constructive
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 and destructive
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solution
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solutions
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.
hence
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,
people
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 need
money
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 at the same time every person's
first
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 choice should
based
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be based
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 on self-worth. So whoever making social services make sure that
self dependency
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self-dependency
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on
Add a missing verb
is on
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 their programs.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

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