IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aid #poverty
In the 21st century, society deals with many social problems like poverty and social inequalities.
On the other hand
, all these issues need
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 rather than just short term
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. In my opinion, I strongly disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 notion that giving
money
 to poor
people
 only make limited time solutions which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society changed its outlooks on the basis of
money
 status and power which will extensively mobilize inequality among
people
. Admittedly, the rich become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
richer and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
poorer.
For instance
, common
people
 need the services of
self dependency
Add a hyphen
self-dependency
show examples
 and empowerment for their development rather than giving
money
 food or material things.
For example
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 of India introduced employment generating policies among poor village
people
 for reducing poverty because
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 believes that making
money
 through work enhance
people
's
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
 towards their life.
Moreover
, in every society financial support for below
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 line creates
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of welfare policies, financial inequalities, lack of division of labour. Admittedly, there are many Mafia and corrupted bureaucrats are involved
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 taking service
money
 from government authorities. To illustrate these, according to
Crime
Correct article usage
the Crime
show examples
 Records Bureau of India reported that 35% of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
financial support of poor
people
Correct your spelling
spend
tspend
Add a missing verb
is tspend
show examples
 by charity
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 for their personal purpose, 10% is taken by government employees.
Therefore
, giving
money
 is not a
solution
 for a problem but it can change through
systematic
Add an article
the systematic
show examples
 and respective
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. In conclusion, there is a saying 'a coin has two sides'
similarly
 every problem has
constructive
Add an article
a constructive
the constructive
show examples
 and destructive
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
.
hence
,
people
 need
money
 at the same time every person's
first
 choice should
based
Change the verb form
be based
show examples
 on self-worth. So whoever making social services make sure that
self dependency
Add a hyphen
self-dependency
show examples
on
Add a missing verb
is on
show examples
 their programs.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: