In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe that research on the previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on the present and future generation. Discuss and opinion.
In
this
contemporary era, it has recently become famous for individuals to search about their families’ background because they can get information related to their medical conditions and this
could connect them to their roots. I am of the belief that the demerits of this
trend outweigh the merits because people should focus on exploring and developing their current situations.
To commence with, a category of people believes that searching about the family history could be beneficial as individuals get the chance to know about their ancestors’ traditions and habits. To illustrate, when adults become familiar with the way their grandparents live, this
will support and motivate them to challenge their lives
obstacles. Change noun form
life's
lives'
Furthermore
, getting to know about the family history could provide information about inherited diseases in the same trade. For example
, a study conducted by the Health World Organization revealed that testing relatives’ DNA has helped in avoiding some illnesses. What can be said is that acquiring information about the past is not only necessary for fostering their individuals
relationship with their heritage but Change the noun form
individual
also
could prevent the appearance of many diseases.
Nevertheless
, it is a well-known fact that humankind should concentrate on enhancing their present financial and educational status. In other words
, if adults utilize their resources to master their education, this
will enable them to get a job in a prestigious company. Evidently, this
will make them able to fulfil their life requirements and be satisfied. A prime example is a survey conducted by New York Times magazine, It revealed that people who use their funds to promote their hard and soft skills have achieved the majority of their targets and goals. Hence
, building current moments plays a significant role in improving their circumstances.
In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that although
exploring individuals’ backgrounds can be helpful, converting efforts to the present is better. I am convinced that it is more workable for human beings to switch their time and money to develop their education and financial levelSubmitted by Fatimah
on
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task achievement
In terms of task achievement, while you do address the core of the topic, you should aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. Your essay appears slightly biased towards one side.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your paragraphs are linked more smoothly. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your ideas more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Furthermore, try to avoid repetition of vocabularies and phrases. Using a wider range of vocabulary can enhance the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To maximize your score, aim for more varied sentence structures. This will keep your writing engaging and demonstrate your linguistic ability more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Consider the introduction and conclusion. Ensure they are concise and directly address the essay prompt. Your conclusion can be more forceful in reiterating your main argument.
task achievement
You successfully provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument and showcases your ability to provide evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in giving the essay a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically developed, and each paragraph focuses on a single idea that supports your overall argument.