IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #person #opportunity
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Being rich
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
increasingly
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an increasingly
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 more important thing for a person's life. Lots of
people
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 think that having outrageous amounts of money will help both their lives and
people
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 who are suffering from being poverty-stricken. For these
people
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, when they allocate
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to other
humans
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, they will do the most crucial thing with their income. I agree with the idea that if ones have an
execcesive
Correct your spelling
excessive
 amounts of money, they should make poorer
people
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 utilize it so that they can live under good circumstances and they can
also
Linking Words
 make payment to the students in order to send them a school.
First
Linking Words
 of all, poverty is still a prevalent problem for countries. The governments live
problematic
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in problematic
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 situations to help them and they can't reach everyone. At
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
,point
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humans
Use synonyms
 living in welfare should offer benefits to them. They can establish non-governmental places and force their rich environments to invest or by hiring
staffs
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staff
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 they can
also
Linking Words
 decrease
Correct your spelling
unemployment
unemployement
Correct article usage
the unemployement
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 level.
For instance
Linking Words
, 2 years ago I worked as a volunteer in one of these places and all I was doing was giving out soup. The owner of
this
Linking Words
 little place was a
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
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 and
instead
Linking Words
 of spending his money to purchase luxury tools he allocated it to poor
humans
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, due to the rich
persons
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person
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 scholarships,
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the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can utilize from that. As a student, I would have lived plenty of difficulties, if I didn't take
scholarship
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the scholarship
a scholarship
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. By giving one
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to study you can increase their motivation and show them there is a chance to graduate. In
countrysides
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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 of
Turkey
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,Turkey
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 children go to school under bad conditions and enrolling
a
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on a
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high school or a university is a luxury.
Therefore
Linking Words
, due to the payments of richer ones they can improve themselves. In light of the facts recounted above, having outrageous life quality enable rich
humans
Use synonyms
 to help others
such
Linking Words
 as poor families or students. Picking out
this
Linking Words
 opportunity they improve one's life.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
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