IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree.

The community benefits from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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closer ties with visitors as
tourists
Use synonyms
 contribute to the local businesses.
This
Linking Words
 essay moderately agrees with the statement as it discusses the economic benefit to the local economy from foreigners.
However
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,
tourists
Use synonyms
 destroy local cultures as well.
To begin
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 with, one of the biggest advantages of
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting an area is that it benefits the local economy, which can expand business
in particular
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 regions.
This
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 benefit can be achieved from their spending on different interests
such
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 as enjoying the beach, water sports, clubbing or serving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity as they communicate with locals. Numerous countries have built infrastructure to attract
tourists
Use synonyms
, and it has become the major income source for developed countries worldwide. In Thailand,
for instance
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, Pattaya
beach
Capitalize word
Beach
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 has become the centre of the tourist attraction
due to
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 its cheap-holiday facilities and enjoyment, which
also
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 contribute a significant amount to the country’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP) every year.
Therefore
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, the contribution of tourism
in
Change preposition
to
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 economies cannot be denied for sure.
In contrast
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,
tourists
Use synonyms
 destroy local cultures as they impose their own culture for enjoyment.
Visitors
Change noun form
Visitors'
Visitor's
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 interest guide locals towards new opportunities for their living. Some of these poor habits could lead to life-threatening diseases
for example
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Sex-Trade
Correct your spelling
Trade
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 in Pattaya is a very common profession for women, and unprotected sex can lead towards deadly
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 like AIDS, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 no
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
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in the current world.
Consequently
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, these close ties with visitors could be life-threatening.
To conclude
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, local communities and the economy of a country surely benefit from foreigners as they spend money on different purposes.
On the other hand
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, these close
relationship
Change the determiner
relationships
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 impose cultural change and can
also
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 carry sexually transmitted diseases, which have no cure.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking words between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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