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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #shops #food #drink #effects #health
As farming
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 increased, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of food and drink
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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be taste
Change the verb form
be tasted
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. But some of them have a negative
effected
Change the form of the verb
effect
show examples
 on people’s
health
. From my perspective, it should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be banned for selling any
foods
 or drinks that have been proved to harm people’s
health
. Any food could have a negative effect on
health
 if people
overuse
Correct pronoun usage
itoveruse
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. There are a massive of
foods
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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a
Remove the article
apply
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necessary nutrition for human’s
health
, but those
foods
are
Change the verb form
also contain
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also
 contains a certain element
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 could be harmful.
For example
, coffee is a common drink in daily life. It provides energy and helps us to concentrate on work more easily. But overuse or abuse,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is much likely to cause a sleep problem at night.
Moreover
, the brain functions might be damaged
such
 as memory, recognition and so on. In
this
 case, our body will suffer from
a chronic diseases
Correct the article-noun agreement
chronic diseases
a chronic disease
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of the negative circle, cardiovascular disease,
heat
Correct your spelling
heart
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 disease and
stomic
Correct your spelling
stomach
 flue.
However
, Those
foods
 which had already been proven to harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 might not
as
Add a missing verb
be as
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 negative as we think
such
 as alcohol and cigarette. The truth is that,
although
 alcohol
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a negative effect on
health
. It actually can help us to release the tone of stress from daily life.
Similarly
,
Add an article
the cigarette
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cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
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 had
also
 been
proved
Wrong verb form
proven
show examples
 that it is able to help patients to less suffer from pain and help them get
recover
Add the particle
to recover
show examples
 in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 approachable way. Overall, I disagree with those
foods
 and drinks are not
allow
Change the form of the verb
allowed
show examples
 to sell in the shop due to its scientific
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
, because all the food have a chance to have a negative effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
health
.
Submitted by kevinchiua on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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