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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
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It is believed that individual
happiness
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 is connected to financial success, while others argue that
happiness
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 depends on several factors. From my perspective, both economic success, quality
time
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 with family, and good
health
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 conditions are equally important to determine
happiness
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.
Firstly
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 and for more, achieving financial stability can afford premium living standards which can make
people
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 feel comfortable and blissful. Wealthy
people
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 can drive fancy cars, live in a nice house, eat expensive food and so on. For some
people
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, the definition of a comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle is proportional to the degree of their asset. Due to that, being wealthier is the engine behind many
people
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’s hard-working work.
However
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, the
happiness
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 from purchasing luxuries cannot be sustainable,
people
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 need to be mindful equally about their wealth, their family bonds and their
health
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.
To begin
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 with, quality
time
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 with family is always an irreplaceable moment in a person’s life, spending
time
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 doing favourite things with
people
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 whom you grow up with can make
people
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 feel pleasure. Without a family bond, it would be a void that cannot fill with physical possession.
Moreover
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,
health
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 conditions
also
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 play
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also play
Remove the redundancy
apply
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an essential role to determine
happiness
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. No one can be happy when they have a serious illness with a short
lifetime
Replace the word
life
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time
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 and have to lay in
sickbed
Correct article usage
a sickbed
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 all day.
Thus
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,
besides
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 economic success,
people
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also
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 need family bonds and good
health
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 to be happy. In conclusion, financial achievement can but it is not the only thing that decides
happiness
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, many other values
such
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 as relationships and
health
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 are
also
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 contributing
also
Linking Words
 contribute to a certain degree of pleasure, so that,
people
Use synonyms
 need to balance all of these factors to be happy sustainably.
Submitted by ndmimi16 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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