IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development
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It’s true that
payment
Use synonyms
 via mobile application is becoming less odd in many countries. I think
this
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 phenomenon has more advantages.
Firstly
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, as it becomes more conventional, it brings more convenience for
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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smart phone
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smartphone
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users
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.
In other words
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, if you have a cellphone
which
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that
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 can download apps with
payment
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amenity
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amenities
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, you have far more options to buy stuff online. About a decade ago, when
this
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 way of paying was new to
majority
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the majority
a majority
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, even if you found a bang-for-the-buck on the internet, you would not have been able to buy it but had to go physically to
offline
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the offline
an offline
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 shop to pick up the goods. Now, you merely press a few buttons and find the item at your doorstep. The
second
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 proof that the more commonly it happens, the better for
users
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 is that the application developers care about security, which has been the major concern for years
,
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apply
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 and
keep
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keeps
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 improving ways to prevent cyber
security related
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security-related
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 fraud. It is true that
users
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 who would use their mobile
phone
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phones
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 when shopping
were
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was
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 exposed to cyber-attacks when the
payment
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 method was
first
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 addressed. Sadly, it is still going on, but no doubt it is not an easy task for hackers to infiltrate
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the system
a system
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system
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systems
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 and acquire
users
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’ sensitive personal information as they have to confront a variety of verification methods. SMS verification is the most representative example of
this
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 protection for
users
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. Because of
above
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the above
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, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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remaining concerns, it is far more advantageous for increasingly common mobile application
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
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is
Change the verb form
to be
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 safe to take place.
Submitted by dhkim.89.1497 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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