IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
In the modern world, people spend most of their
time
 in their jobs, due to which they get very less free
time
 for other recreational activities.
Although
 working late
hours
 helps us to earn more, it adversely affects our health and social life. I believe that the drawbacks of working long
hours
overweighs
Change the verb form
overweigh
show examples
 its advantages.
This
 essay will
further
 justify my views on my opinion. On one hand,
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of competition and job insecurity has forced many employees to
work
 extra
hours
 as
this
 will help them to earn more income and increase their chances of promotion.
Moreover
, money mindedness has
also
 forced individuals to voluntarily
work
 for prolonged
hours
.
On the other hand
,
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 leads to health disorders. Since humans spend most of their
time
 sitting in front of computers they are more prone to obesity and high blood sugar levels.
Also
, not getting enough sleep will lead to stress, depression and other problems. Apart from
this
, long
hours
 of
work
 makes people away from their social and family life.
For instance
, they miss all family get-togethers and
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to spend quality
time
 with their children due to which the bonding between them weakens. In conclusion,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of living and job insecurity lead many workers to
work
 additional
hours
.
However
, in the long
run
Add a comma
,run
show examples
this
 will lead to health problems. they will not be able to spend
time
 with their spouse and children and
this
 will affect their family life.
Hence
 in my opinion the disadvantages of
this
 outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: