IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

#services #companies
Some society
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 that health
services
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a fundamental need for everyone. It is argued that
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 should run the medical
services
 with the
profit
-making.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 statement because
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 should concern about charity and the hospital will lose their doctors qualities. The
company
 should not make
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
 from the medical
services
 because they should do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity with
this
 service. Some
people
 do not have enough
money
 to cure their
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
. If the
company
 give the opportunity to
people
 who are poor, the
company
 will get support from other
people
 to come for using their
services
.
Moreover
, the
company
 should get the
money
 from the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 because
this
 is not
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
people
 to pay
this
 fundamental need. As an example in Thailand, there is a lot of hospitals to give them opportunities to poor
people
 to treat their illnesses at low prices because it is the policy of the government. Medical
services
 are the service for helping
people
 not making a
profit
. When the price for curing illness increased,
people
 will go
Change preposition
to other
show examples
other hospital
Change the wording
another hospital
other hospitals
show examples
 which has
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
show examples
 price.
Then
, it is caused to the doctor because the doctor
is not learn
Change the verb form
does not learn
show examples
 the illness or disease from
people
 so they will go to
other hospital
Change the wording
another hospital
other hospitals
show examples
 that they can learn from it. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time pass, the hospital will lose their
profit
 and cannot make
money
 from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
services
 anymore. A recent study found that many
people
 want to go to the hospital which is
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 price than the other because they can save
money
. In conclusion, the good environment around the hospital is an advantage for
people
.
However
, the
company
 could not make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
profit
 from the medical
services
 because the
company
 should do charity to the country and they will lose the good doctors.
Submitted by phanicha.wiw on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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