IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

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Some society
think
Change the verb form
thinks
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 that health
services
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 a fundamental need for everyone. It is argued that
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 should run the medical
services
Use synonyms
 with the
profit
Use synonyms
-making.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
Use synonyms
Add an article
the company
a company
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 should concern about charity and the hospital will lose their doctors qualities. The
company
Use synonyms
 should not make
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profit
Correct article usage
a profit
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 from the medical
services
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 because they should do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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charity with
this
Linking Words
 service. Some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
money
Use synonyms
 to cure their
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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. If the
company
Use synonyms
 give the opportunity to
people
Use synonyms
 who are poor, the
company
Use synonyms
 will get support from other
people
Use synonyms
 to come for using their
services
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
company
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 should get the
money
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 from the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 because
this
Linking Words
 is not
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
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 of
people
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 to pay
this
Linking Words
 fundamental need. As an example in Thailand, there is a lot of hospitals to give them opportunities to poor
people
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 to treat their illnesses at low prices because it is the policy of the government. Medical
services
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 are the service for helping
people
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 not making a
profit
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. When the price for curing illness increased,
people
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 will go
Change preposition
to other
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other hospital
Change the wording
another hospital
other hospitals
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 which has
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
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 price.
Then
Linking Words
, it is caused to the doctor because the doctor
is not learn
Change the verb form
does not learn
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 the illness or disease from
people
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 so they will go to
other hospital
Change the wording
another hospital
other hospitals
show examples
 that they can learn from it. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time pass, the hospital will lose their
profit
Use synonyms
 and cannot make
money
Use synonyms
 from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 anymore. A recent study found that many
people
Use synonyms
 want to go to the hospital which is
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 price than the other because they can save
money
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. In conclusion, the good environment around the hospital is an advantage for
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
 could not make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
profit
Use synonyms
 from the medical
services
Use synonyms
 because the
company
Use synonyms
 should do charity to the country and they will lose the good doctors.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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