To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Do you agree or disagree ?

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Introduction

It is often believed that people can be happy if they are in a harmonious relationship with their family, acquaintances and co-workers and think that things like a job and

money

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are secondary to achieving happiness in

life

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. I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion and think that settling in

life

Use synonyms

is more significant than maintaining good relationships to lead to happy moments.

Body paragraph 1

First

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of all, I believe that getting the desired job and earning a good salary makes a person's

life

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content. When an individual works and earns wealth, they can buy anything needed.

For example

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, My sister is a doctor in the UK and makes a huge sum of

money

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. While she isn't only financially stable but

also

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health-wise because ,with the

money

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she earns, she goes to the gym, buys healthy products and these aids to a happy

life

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Therefore

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, employment and funds contribute significantly to happiness.

Body paragraph 2

Secondly

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, the other family members, peers and teammates at work automatically get closer when in possession of good jobs and living a luxurious

life

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Hence

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these factors are dependable on the riches and position one attains.

For instance

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, during poverty no one wants to get in close contact with poor people but if the same community becomes richer people would want them in their lives.

Thus

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, the advantage of having

money

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and work is highly essential for a content living.

Conclusion

To conclude,

although

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relatives, pals and colleagues are necessary for

life

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, it is the prosperity and profession

that is

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primary for cheerfulness. I am convinced that relationships can be built easily when one owns riches.

Hence

Linking Words

in order to spend happy

life

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, it is vital that the primary components are given high priority.

mercurim

Dec 10, 2021

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Do you agree or disagree ?

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? excitement

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others arque that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think thats it's a good idea to socialise with work colleages during evenings and weekend. Other people, think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Nowadays many students choose to take a year off before entering university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of taking a year off, and give your own opinion about whether it is a good idea.