IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe today we have too many choices. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
It is often argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should have as many
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choices
 for their decisions. I remember that 6 decades ago in my country, there was no choice to study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad specially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western countries. So that I agree with
this
 statement and I think that it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 thing in the modern world. At
first
, my parents, they both born and raised in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 of Mongolia and studied in
Capital
Correct article usage
the Capital
show examples
 city
Ulaanbaatar
Change preposition
of Ulaanbaatar
show examples
 in Mongolia. Once I asked them why don't you guys studied in abroad. They replied to me that they do not have
choice
Add an article
the choice
a choice
show examples
 to study in another country because their parents were
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a farmer. So that they have only one choice which is allowed to study in local
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
 or universities if they qualify with requirements. At the moment,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governments
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 a lot of
choices
 for their citizenship's education and it
is does
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not matter with family origin and status.
Secondly
, I would say that it is a great thing
is
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
people
 have
choices
 for their marriage, education, health, financial related solution, etc. Certainly,
people
 will make research and make practice before they make
final
Add an article
a final
the final
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on
choices
, luckily in the modern world, we
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 a lot of opportunities to try out possible
choices
 in
virtual
Add an article
a virtual
the virtual
show examples
 environment.
For example
: We do not
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 go shopping when we
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothes for
us
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
,
instead
 of
this
, we can try VR devices
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can transmit my body indexes to
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
a shopping
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 I can easily see filtered clothes only for me by special requirements set by me and it will save time and money.
Finally
, I strongly believe that
people
 should have a lot of
choices
 for their decisions.
Submitted by tsembeek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: