IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #exercise #time #health
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It is true that
workers
Use synonyms
’ physical wellness problems due to the lack of sports activities
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of the most important issues facing us today. From my perspective, I would state some reasons for these issues and solutions that could partly solve the problem.
First
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 of all, during the working day,
workers
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 often have to work from 9-to-5 so there is no
time
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 for
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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. In many companies, employees would stick their eyes into computer screens the whole day. As a consequence, at the end of the day, they would not do exercise or go to the gym because their body was already exhausted.
Besides
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, at weekends or holidays,
workers
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 would spend
time
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 with family or resting
instead
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 of sporty activities. The reason why
this
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 happened is
because
Replace the word
that
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 during weekdays they did not have
time
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 to gather with family or take a rest.
However
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, governments and employers could lower working hours, give
workers
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 more day-off in order to help them have more
time
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 to do exercise and take care of their health.
For example
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, the UAE authority has implemented a policy to reduce working days per week from 6 days to 5.5 days. That means
workers
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 only have to work from Monday morning to Friday noon.
Thus
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 individuals would improve their physical health in order to work more efficiently. In conclusion, the main reason why
workers
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 tend to have health problems and do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do exercise is the working hours of many companies.
Consequently
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, the governments should make changes to reduce
this
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 problem.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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