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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.
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The pie charts compare the
electricity
Use synonyms
 production between
Germany
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 and France from four different kinds of sources of energy,
such
Linking Words
 as conventional Thermal, renewables and nuclear, in 2009. It is measured in billions
kWh
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of kWh
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. The majority of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
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, which output amounted to 560 billion kWh, originated from conventional thermal, at 59.6%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
electricity
Use synonyms
 was generated slightly lower than
Use synonyms
Germany
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in Germany
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,
a
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with a
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total of 510 billion kWh, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most part of it deriving from
nuclear
Add an article
the nuclear
a nuclear
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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, at 76.0% and a small part of it from conventional Thermal (10.3 %),
whereas
Linking Words
 only 23.0% of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 was manufactured from
nuclear
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the nuclear
a nuclear
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 resource in
Germany
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. As for renewable
resource
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resources
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,
this
Linking Words
 made up
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 similar proportion in both countries, with 14% and 17% of the total amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electricity
Use synonyms
 respectively. In
Germany
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, the bulk of renewables consisted of biomass and wind, with a proportion
39.3
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of 39.3
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% and 36.9% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the other 2 resources are hydroelectric and solar energy, which accounted for 17,7% and 6,1%.
By comparison
Linking Words
, the most part of
renewables
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renewable
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 in France is hydroelectric, representing 80.5 % of the total amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wind energy
less
Add a missing verb
is less
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 used for producing
electricity
Use synonyms
, consisting only around 10%. The minority of renewable is biomass and solar, with a proportion of 8,1% and 0,9%.
Overall
Linking Words
, conventional thermal is widely used for generating
electricity
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 in
Germany
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,
while
Linking Words
 France tends to use nuclear as the main source for the production of
electricity
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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