IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #zoos #purpose #today’s #world #alternatives
Nowadays, it is always argued that whether both
animals
 and human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 could benefit from the presence of
zoos
 and would it be better to close them. On one hand, some people are concerning the potentially negative issue that
zoos
 could result in. They believe that cages and living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 are extremely too cramped and narrow, unlike wild
animals
 are possible to live in forests and woods. Just like
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
,
animals
 are tending to need liberty and freedom. When
animals
 are kept in captivity in
zoos
, they would lose their instincts and often become depressed. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
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the animals
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 in
zoo
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zoos
show examples
 forget how to hunt even though they have a chance to be back
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 forests. What’s worse, by keeping
animals
 cooped up in a small cage, there are more opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 extinction since they can not get the conditions they need to mate and reproduce.
Furthermore
, ecosystems can be badly influenced. It is
also
 likely that
animals
 could be abused in some
zoos
 for entertainment in
tourist
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the tourist
show examples
 industry.
For example
, a few years ago, the truth about training elephants in Thailand was exposed in a documentary about
animals
 from BBC. In order to make elephants follow
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the order
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order
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orders
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 of trainers, they keep punishing the
animals
 by hurting them.
Regard
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With regard
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of
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to
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 alternatives, there are many proposals that we have. Wildlife parks have been getting more and more popular in the
last
 ten years. Most importantly, they can provide more space for
animals
 to wander around and those parks have many things in common as their
nature
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natural
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 homes.
In addition
,
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
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 transportation enables us to travel in a couple of hours across the world. In the future, it will be quite common that
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
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travel
Fix the infinitive
to travel
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 from Europe to Africa to visit wild
animals
 within one hour with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced technology.
Therefore
, it is no need to build
zoos
 to keep wild
animals
 in captivity.
Furthermore
, children can
also
 learn
Add an article
the habit
show examples
habit
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habits
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 of
animals
 on some TV programs
such
 as National Geographic. They can get close to
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
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 more about them on TV than in
zoos
. All in all,
zoos
 are not the only way for
human
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a human
the human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 to learn about wild
animals
. It is
also
 essential that wild
animals
 can live in their
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 homes.
Scientist
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Scientists
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 are
also
 capable to study them
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many kinds of ways.
Submitted by weifenghe1993 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical and animal welfare
  • artificial habitats
  • psychological distress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • conservation
  • inbreading
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • rehabilitation centers
  • naturalistic habitats
  • virtual and augmented reality
  • ecotourism
  • wildlife documentaries
  • educational platforms
  • genetic pool
  • immersive experiences
  • conservation education
What to do next:
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