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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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In
this
Linking Words
 cut-throat world, to maintain their position in their chore, many employees are not able to sustain their
Use synonyms
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 balance.
Copious
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A copious
The copious
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 number of job-holders are
Replace the word
losing
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loosing
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losing
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 their
health
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,as they are not able to set out sufficient
time
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 to drill. Reduction in working hours, doing outdoor activities, cultivating balanced diet habits, encouragement from the government and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employer's
Change the noun form
employers
employer
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 to
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work-out
Correct your spelling
work out
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 are some of the solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem The main reason for the deterioration of
health
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 amongst employees is
because of
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apply
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the adaptation to
this
Linking Words
 sedentary lifestyle. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, mankind
are
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is
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 completely dependent on machinery to round off their
work
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 in less
time
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, many companies set out deadlines in
work
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,
as a result
Linking Words
 of which working people are bequeathing their leisure
time
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 to complete the
work
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 in given
time
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. In consequence, people tend to return to their homes late,
Replace the word
losing
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loosing
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losing
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 all their stamina, which
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in turn
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inturn
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in turn
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 results in skipping of
gym
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the gym
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. During weekends, they prefer to rest
whole
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the whole
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 day
instead
Linking Words
 of exercising, few of them would rather play
videogames
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video games
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 or watch movies, go on
longrides
Correct your spelling
long rides
 in cars rather than
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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. It is essential to address
this
Linking Words
 issue for
well-being
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the well-being
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 of the society. Every person should understand the negative impact of not working out on their
health
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. People should opt
walking
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for walking
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 to complete their daily household tasks.
In addition
Linking Words
,
government
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the government
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 should start taking precautionary measures by addressing the importance of good
health
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 to the companies and employees. Companies should understand the fact that" good
health
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 is equal to more productivity" which is indirectly beneficial
in
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incorporation
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Add an article
a corporation
the corporation
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corporation
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corporations
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, offices must be built near to parks and gyms,so that staff can
workout
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work out
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 in their free
time
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.
Besides
Linking Words
,
administration
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the administration
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 should introduce new laws,stating about particular
worktime
Correct your spelling
work time
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 and provide more government holidays. In conclusion, society should acknowledge the viable solutions to ensure that they achieve positive results in future by adapting
good
Add an article
a good
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 healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by rajputkaru08 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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