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Band 5

Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #goods #power #society
Indeed,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 purchasing
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 by
advertisement
 in the modern world. Personally, I strongly agree with
such
 a statement.
First
, high tech
companies
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 new products with
latest
Change the article
the latest
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 technology which provides new features to its customers
besides
 they prepared the new
advertisement
 in order to get huge orders from clients. As I remember that
people
 lived and worked without smart devices just
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2 decades ago. At the moment,
people
 waiting and ordering for
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 version of Apple or Samsung phones because of its solid
advertisement
.
For example
: One of my best friends just bought
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 iPhone recently. He says that he watched a lot of improvements
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 so that he decided to purchase
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 one. From
this
 point, we can say
that brand
Change the determiner
that brand company
those brand companies
show examples
companies
 trying to affect customers
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 in order to
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 their products to him or
her
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Secondly
, some brand
companies
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 celebrity
people
 for their new items or goods in order to expand their business globally. At the same time
people
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 decisions
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
based on what they say
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 these new items. Clearly,
people
 buy something not related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
needy
Correct article usage
the needy
show examples
, they just
imitating
Wrong verb form
imitate
show examples
 each other and
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 nice ads. Why
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that
people
 watching and believing these ads because brand
companies
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 much money on its idea and entire
delivering
Replace the word
delivery
show examples
 processes
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Furthermore
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some online shops trying to use
troll
Correct article usage
the troll
show examples
 function of
Facebook
Add an article
the Facebook
a Facebook
show examples
 company while
people
 watching his or her Facebook. These actions altered customers buying
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 whether they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 think
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it is mandatory or not. To summarize, I strongly believe that
advertisement
 is more crucial than
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 needy.
Submitted by tsembeek on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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