IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Governments should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment .do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#governments #people #environment
There is currently a contentious argument over whether
governments
 to force their citizens to respect their
environment
 .I
compeletely
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 opinion because our
environment
 really need
need
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a strong power to be
presrved
Correct your spelling
preserved
 and
governments
 have various kinds of facilities to motivate
people
 . The main reason why I believe
governments
 are important in
this
 situation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they have enough power
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
people
 to teach their own local
people
 how they can respect the
environment
.
Moreover
,they
also
 can enact various laws for preserving
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For instance
, they can take fines from
people
 who put their garbages on the street, or jail
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
 for
Add an article
a person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who cut the trees . Another reason why I support the notion that
governments
 can be helpful for taking care of our
environment
 is due to the fact that they have a lot of facilities to entice local
people
 to protect their nature.
For example
, they can use various techniques to teach students
andchildren
Correct your spelling
and children
 at schools or for adults they can utilize conventional ways
such
 as tv
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 to motivate them . In conclusion, I totally agree that
governments
 should force
people
 for being friendly with their nature. Since they have not only suitable power
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 they have enough money to provide necessary
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. Given
this
 situation, it seems that one of the important factors that can limit our contribution to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is our
governments
 as they have
dominate
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 .
Submitted by sarahnaeini81 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: