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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion .

#people #time #work #school #development
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In
this
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 day and age ,more and more
people
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 are spending a lot of
time
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 travelling to different places
such
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 as
work
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 or
school
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. Many
claims
Fix the agreement mistake
claim
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 that
this
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 could be a detrimental development.
However
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 ,some
people
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 opine that they have some benefits. In my ,opinion, I believe that
this
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 situation could have some negative expansion.
Firstly
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 ,in my ,view, the
detrimental
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detriments
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 of having to commute longer to
work
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 or
school
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 are conspicuous. For ,example, when the public exploits transport systems and cars to travel to their destination they create a lot of air pollution.
This
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 would be a noticeable danger for humans.
Also
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 ,environmental problems have been increasing.
This
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 could definitely be a dire situation for arriving at
people
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's destination.
Therefore
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 ,
this
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 makes it clear why some
people
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 have an opposite opinion
for
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of
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this
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 circumstance and believe that there could be a negative.
Secondly
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 ,the benefits of a longer commute to
work
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 or
school
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 are multiple.
For instance
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 ,humans who decide to use
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transport system can have more personal
time
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 for their leisure activities
such
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 as
,
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apply
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reading books ,listening to music and conducting activities separate from
work
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 or education.
This
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 would help them to achieve
energy
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the energy
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 to stay at the workplace and education centre and do their assignment.
As a result
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 ,it becomes apparent that spending
time
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 travelling to
work
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 or
school
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 could not be without distinctive and positive reasons. To summarise ,the two sides of the argument are concerning the prospect of spending
time
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 to travel
different
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to different
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 places that humans want to go
have
Correct word choice
and have
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 strong support.
However
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 ,after a thorough analysis of both sides ,I strongly believe that
this
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 could be negative and would have some drawbacks. It is predicted that the problems of the trend will continue to increase in the near future.
Submitted by maede.sadeghi8520 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all aspects of the task. It is important to present a balanced view and provide clear and supported ideas for both views.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices and linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
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