IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

#people #schools #purpose #support
There is no doubt that these days, most of the people sparked a heated debate about
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
education
, which is most of them state that combined learning with
anjoable
Correct your spelling
enjoyable
 activities boost academic achievements whereas other opponents argue that traditional
education
 is more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
. The question is, how
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern methods of teaching could benefit a young generation. In
this
 essay, I'm going to discuss both views and draw my own. In terms of disadvantages ,
Correct article usage
the tradition
show examples
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 approach promotes focus and did not lead to
lose
Change the verb form
losing
show examples
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
. To illustrate, old model
education
 which is
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 more
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 knowledge and
self discipline
Add a hyphen
self-discipline
show examples
 rather than leisure inside the classrooms.
In other words
 educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 purposed gain knowledge and righteous mortality for
students
.
However
, edutaining strengthens bonds between them as
students
 relationship.
Gain
Wrong verb form
Gaining
show examples
 knowledge while having fun paly a crucial role in
students
' journey. New ways of learning undoubtedly could enhance the quality of
education
.
Furthermore
, dullness has been a central problem
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days as many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
psychological has proven that by
engage
Change the verb form
engaging
show examples
 the fud activities to
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
this
 would
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in
well rounded
Add a hyphen
well-rounded
show examples
students
.
Follow
Wrong verb form
Following
show examples
 an educating approach create
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 motivative atmosphere
thus
,
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process will become
more rich
Replace the words
richer
show examples
 delighted and profound. To conclude, I strongly believe that entertaining
education
 is the most approach
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 beneficial skills for learners in the long run,
such
 as hard and soft skills.
Consequently
, the new generation will become
well- rounded
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
show examples
 and have an ample confidence
Submitted by int.shej on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: