IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group acitivities in their free time. Others say that this is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#say #parents #children #part #group #acitivities #time
It is thought by a selection of individuals that minors should be motivated to
work
 in well-arranged
group
 activities
while
 others believe that it is better to let them learn by themselves. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching my opinion which is both of them have their own positive elements. At the outset, there are several upsides of taking part in organised
group
 tasks and one of the most significant is that children can improve their teamwork
skills
. To elaborate
further
, communication
skills
 will be improved by a high level of synergy between
group
 members.
Moreover
, the new generation can learn how to be good listeners in order to achieve productive and fruitful goals. An apt illustration of
this
 is that my aunt always put his son into their village's activities, which would separate children in the village into 3 groups and compete with each other
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because she wanted a child to grasp and understand how to
work
 as a team and reduce his ego.
Besides
, she strived to let her offspring kick his habit of talking too much and replace it with a good habit which was listening. On the other side of the coin, it is a fact that learning by themselves can offer a number of merits to teenagers and the most crucial one is individual
skills
. To explain in greater detail, it will improve their time management
skills
 and
therefore
 they will get familiar with it before starting their adulthood.
Furthermore
, personal
skills
such
 as
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 are required when they
work
 in companies as they have to find ways to tackle and cope with spanking new issues all the time. To specifically demonstrate, when I was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 middle school, there was one of my friends who loved to
work
 by himself alone and
last
 year, he received a prestigious reward as the best employee, recognized for solving problems promptly and meeting deadlines consistently. All in all, it is undeniable that working as a
group
 or individual provides children with plenty of benefits.
Hence
, it depends on parents what
skills
 they want their offspring to enhance and sharpen;
for instance
, adults can choose
group
work
 if teamwork
skills
 are needed or self-learning if individual
skills
 are required.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Make sure to maintain a clear and consistent viewpoint throughout the essay to ensure clear comprehensive ideas.
content
Continue to provide relevant and specific examples to support your main points; they greatly enhance the strength of your argument.
content
The essay provides a well-balanced discussion of both viewpoints and includes relevant examples to support the main points.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly frame the essay’s content, providing a strong start and finish to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: