At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

this

day and age, the percentage of young

people

to some extent has increased in comparison with older ones in some nations.

Although

having a young population has many benefits for society, the drawbacks are of importance to be scrutinised. On the plus side, it may appear that being

high

Change the article

a high

the high

show examples

number of young

people

proves more beneficial for each society. The

first

compelling reason is considered with economic prosperity. To be more precise, young

people

have not only

fresher

Correct article usage

a fresher

show examples

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

but

also

stronger

Correct article usage

a stronger

show examples

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

compared to elderlies in regard to accomplishing their duties and responsibilities.

Moreover

, we are living in

computer

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the computer

a computer

show examples

age and it is impossible to ignore cutting-edge technology. The younger generation

are

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show examples

more techno-savvy and they have

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

function when it comes to computer-related issues. An obvious example of

this

is a group of young who set up a newfound

start up

Add a hyphen

start-up

show examples

which make use of up-to-the-minute technology. while

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apply

show examples

elderlies can not compete with them due to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of technical skills. Having said that,

however

, the drawbacks of

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

the percentage of

younger

Add an article

the younger

show examples

generation

in contrast

to older ones should not be underestimated.

To begin

with, the more young

people

are, the more job opportunities are required. Simply put, elderlies generally are retirement and they are not expected to have

career

Add an article

a career

show examples

, while younger ones are at

age

Add an article

the age

an age

show examples

that should

be work

Change the verb form

be working

show examples

in order to either get a green pasture or meet their needs.

Therefore

, they have to work so as to make enough money. On balance,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

increasing the number of young

people

would be both rewarding and problematic for society. While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it may

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

that paves the way for improving

economic

Correct article usage

the economic

show examples

climate,

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

highly

Add a missing verb

is highly

show examples

likely to suffer from hindrances and obstacles for finding

appropriate

Add an article

an appropriate

show examples

job.

Submitted by www.royaizadi280 on Wed Dec 15 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Rich people are getting richer, and poor people are getting poorer. What are the causes? What can be done to reduce this gap?

Some peope believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The majority of news is being reported bad news such as wars famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think news should be balance of good news and bad news?

Many people believe that social networking websites such as FB and Instagram have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?