At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compare with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

this

era,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people

Change the verb form

are

show examples

contained the majority population of some

countries

. In my opinion, the positive aspects of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

countries

outweigh the negative aspects.

This

essay will express

initially

the demerits and

lastly

the merits of the issue. On the one hand, some disadvantages are considered in

this

kind of

countries

Fix the agreement mistake

country

show examples

Firstly

, the rate of crime in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

societies which have more young adults than old citizens is higher. Many statistics mentioned that the proportion of committing

Add an article

a crime

the crime

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

communities with more

youth

is incomparable

with

Change preposition

show examples

those that have fewer

youth

. Because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young individuals have more energy to commit a crime.

Secondly

, the younger generation has less life experience and they do not know how

behave

Add the particle

to behave

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

backbreaking circumstances.

Therefore

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

will form a

high

Replace the word

highly

show examples

stressful society.

On the other hand

, there are a variety of advantages in these communities.

Firstly

, the higher number of

youth

, the more active and happier is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

society.

That is

to say, the proportion of the young descendant plays a key role

Correct your spelling

show examples

the vitality of a society.

Secondly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthy people can work more efficiently.

As a result

, they contribute to the economy as well as possible. In fact, the

youth

making money

instead

of spending and

this

matter is absolutely invaluable.

Thirdly

, the

countries

which have more

youth

, have more chances to

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

outstanding

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

professionals. These

countries

have not only

healthier

Correct article usage

a healthier

show examples

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

but

also

more athletes who can achieve a wide range of accomplishments. To sum up, the societies with more

youth

are more rich, delighted, and successful

although

they encounter more disobey of law and anxiety.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compare with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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