IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some-people believe that companies should hire equal number of male and fema-lee mployees.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#some-people #companies #fema-lee #mployees
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Different
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
 of genders will lead to different
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 in an
en-terprise
Correct your spelling
enterprise
, while some people hold the view that it is better to average the number of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 staff. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. On the one hand, there are apparent differences between
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. From the perspective of personality, men normally have a logical and rational way of thinking to cope with difficulties
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, when they confront with an emergency event, they are more likely to address
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with a calm mind.
By contrast
Linking Words
, women tend to be sensitive and moody
as a result
Linking Words
 of
biological
Add an article
a biological
show examples
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Women who are in the period are prone to be more frustrated and have a stomachache, which may hold back work efficiency.
In addition
Linking Words
, physically demanding jobs will require more male employees to
Correct your spelling
ensure
show examples
en-sure
Correct your spelling
ensure
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity.
Thus
Linking Words
, having the same number of each
gender
Use synonyms
 in a firm is simply unrealistic.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that equal
gender
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 would be unfair to base admission on
gender
Use synonyms
. In general, firms should select the best clerks for each department according to their qualifications or ability. In
this
Linking Words
 way, both men and women have the same opportunities,
then
Linking Words
 employees know that they will be
successful
Change the adjective
successfully
show examples
 provided they work hard to achieve
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary or promotion. If a man or woman is the best employee for a position, it is certainly wrong to reject
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
 or
she
Change the pronoun
her
show examples
 in favour of a male staff with fewer qualifications or unsatisfactory performance.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, industries would be
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to hire some people
whichcannot
Correct your spelling
which can not
 match their needs. In conclusion, I reckon that the selection of employees should base
onpersonal
Correct your spelling
on personal
personal
 characteristics or comprehensive ability, and it would be impractical and unfair to change to a selection on procedure based on
gender
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 59213142 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: