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Writing Samples
Band 5

The nuclear family is well adapted to moving due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#size #children #benefit
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Nowadays it has become very common for nuclear families to
move
Use synonyms
 from one place to another in
this
Linking Words
 modern society. Reasons behind vary from family to family. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be discussing why I believe that
this
Linking Words
 shift has more pros than cons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no debate that every parent wants the best for their
children
Use synonyms
.begin able to have access to
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 education , a safe environment to grow up in.
Therefore
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, many families are taking the initiative to relocate from one place to another. A recent study that was conducted in Canada has shown that the cardinal reason for most nuclear decisions to
move
Use synonyms
 is safety.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 many refugees
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
frome
Correct your spelling
from
 countries
such
Linking Words
Iraq
Change preposition
as Iraq
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 or Syria
move
Use synonyms
 because they do not want their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 to be troubled by constant war and the unsafe environment
around
Correct pronoun usage
themaround
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , they will have access to better education and health care.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , one of the major drawbacks
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 is
children
Use synonyms
 will not be able to maintain relationships with their childhood friends that they grow up with.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may become isolated.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , moving to a new place that has different culture, traditions and even speaking a different language is difficult for
children
Use synonyms
 to cope with, and they may have
cultural
Add an article
a cultural
show examples
 shock at
first
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
 , I think these issues are insignificant when compared to having a safe country to live in . To sum up, various factors encourage individuals to
move
Use synonyms
 from their home country , mainly these factors revolve around their
children
Use synonyms
 and
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 well beginning .
Submitted by ph.amal.just on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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