IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Physical
education
Use synonyms
 has been always a debatable subject. While some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should have some physical activities in school, others argue that schools ought to focus more on academic success. The two sides of
this
Linking Words
 argument will be thoroughly analysed in
this
Linking Words
 essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion. There are many arguments for the inclusion of Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 in the curriculum.
Firstly
Linking Words
, students nowadays spent far too much of their time playing video games on their computers or phones.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and obesity.
Also
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
 don’t do well in academic subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math and science and should be given more opportunities to discover other areas to find out what they want to do in their life. Another argument is the high rate of accidents due to the lack of space for
children
Use synonyms
 to play in.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students could have the chance to play safely inside their schools. When it comes to arguments against the inclusion of Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 in schools, many people, that society needs more engineers, searchers and scientists.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 present world is becoming so competitive that getting good grades and getting into university is a priority.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is parents who should be responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
 by encouraging them to be more physically active, not educational bodies.
Finally
Linking Words
, spending more time on academic topics is essential to get high-paying jobs in the future To sum up, it is well known that studying core subjects
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, foreign languages and science,
for example
Linking Words
, is essential for
children
Use synonyms
 to function in today’s society.
However
Linking Words
, we need to give our kids the chance to decide by themselves what they want to do. We can’t make them become scientists or sportspeople if they don’t want to, but we can help them moderate their time to stay healthy and still well-educated. I personally believe a balance must be struck in the curriculum and physical
education
Use synonyms
 must have a place in
children
Use synonyms
’s school life.
Submitted by Abdelouahab Charaallah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: