IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#society #numbers #people
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We can not deny the fact that in our modern time folk live more than a few decades ago.So,the topic of care of elderly crowd and their increase become quite popular nowadays.Let us consider
this
Linking Words
 question more deeply.
Firstly
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 ,I think that our
society
Use synonyms
 is able to help
elderly
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the elderly
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 nation.Because of fact that we have new inventions and technologies which facilitates custody of old population.
Also
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 ,today we know more about the human body and illness than in past .So we can make concern about them improved useful.
However
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,a lot of work about the prosperity of
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 nation
were
Change the verb form
was
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 done ,but we could improve it.
First
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 and foremost ,we can not think that concerns about elderly crowd it is efforts of old nation's home only.Children and grandchildren must visit their grandparents .If they were not done it , the mental health of old people could deteriorate.
On the other hand
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,we can observe that numbers of
Add an article
the family
a family
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 feel that
society
Use synonyms
 will be able to cope with the increase in the numbers of
elderly
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the elderly
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 community .
These
Correct determiner usage
This
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Use synonyms
society
Change the determiner
societies
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 are afraid that in close future they and their children do not have enough space on our planet because of the increasing of
old
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the old
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 public.In my opinion, these statements are not correct and are some kind of non-human.
Old
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The old
An old
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 crowd in the past built for
us
Change the pronoun
our
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 towns and won wars to make our life's happy and now it is our turn to protect and care for them. To draw the conclusion ,I can say that our modern
society
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 is able to with the increase in numbers of
old
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the old
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 community .In my opinion,it is our duty to care about them.
Submitted by gleblozik72 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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