IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a nu mber of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that exposure to
internet
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the internet
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 and digital platforms can put the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
children
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 at risk.So,it is suggested that parents should allow controlled
access
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 to
such
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 platforms.I completely agree that young minds are rotted by these booming digital advancements,and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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strategic parental control can reduce the risk.
This
Linking Words
 essay deliberates my viewpoint on how
children
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 are vulnerable to the open internet peril, and my considerations on why adults should limit
the
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their
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 usage. First of all,
children
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 are exposed to leaf-threatening
situation
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situations
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 in front of internet
giant
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giants
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.It is an undeniable fact that social media is an open gateway for strangers to sneak into
childrens’
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children’s
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account
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accounts
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.
For example
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, without knowing
real
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the real
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 identity of the online-masked person,
immatured
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immature
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 kids add them to their friends list just to increase the number.Evidently,there are many scenarios in
news
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the news
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 which
warns
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warn
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the
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about the
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 incidences of online-stranger abuse.
Additionally
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,the media contents are not age-specific as there is no limitation on the information,regardless of any given topic.Kids,especially under-18 are not
matured
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mature
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 enough to perceive
this
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 open information which can effectively corrupt the tender minds.Resultingly,the exposed kids, perhaps
involve
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be involved
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 in anti-social behaviour like vaping,
consuming
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and consuming
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 alcohol to name a few.But,how do we distance our
children
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 from these threats? Adults should take the responsibility of providing limited
access
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. The provision of parental
access
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 by various apps
serve
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serves
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 the purpose of containing
contents
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content
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 for age-appropriate
audience
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audiences
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.When elder family members centrally control,they can be alerted
with
Change preposition
about
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 the type of website visits and amount of time logged on.
Thus
Linking Words
,any unknown stranger communication can be easily identified.
For instance
Linking Words
,when we turn the parental control on the setting of a desktop or a laptop
is kept on
Verb problem
apply
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,any links to a restricted video would need the permission of
Correct article usage
a matured
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matured
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mature
show examples
 adult at home.So,adult-controlled
access
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 is vital. In conclusion,
since
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apply
show examples
 the liberated viewing of digital media sites can dangerously put
children
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 at risk.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,it is paramount to limit adult-controlled usage to prevent the hassle of
stranger-danger
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stranger danger
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 and the like.

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coherence and cohesion
Focus on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on the ideas with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, showing agreement with the need for parental control.
coherence and cohesion
The structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion is well-defined, making it easy to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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