some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views

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Currently,
people
have different views as to whether a lot of
people
trust that
students
should learn
science
classes.
However
, others believe that other
subjects
as well as
history
are
also
beneficial for them. Despite the fact that
history
and other
subjects
are very significant for some
people
, I believe that
science
will play a crucial role in real
life
in the future. On the one hand,
history
and other
subjects
are interesting for a lot of
students
.
This
is
due to
the fact that
students
have different talents and they have various interests in each individual.
For example
, some
students
can paint and draw pictures, they will think that art is necessary for them.
In addition
, some children like reading about world
history
, they usually think that
history
is important to them.
Therefore
, the benefits of
subjects
will depend on the
favorite
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of individuals.
On the other hand
, a lot of
people
think that
students
should be paying attention to
science
.
This
is because
science
relates to part of
people
's lives.
For instance
, when
people
play football , they have to know about momentum to shoot the ball into the goal.
Moreover
,
science
will be logical in everything.
This
is
due to
the fact that
students
can analyze and resolve problems by themselves.
For example
, when children have to learn in university, they can use it for their thesis.
As a result
,
science
subjects
are the most basic for
students
. In conclusion, in my perspective,
science
subjects
are fundamental for everybody's
life
because
science
is the basis of nature and human
life
is a part of nature.
Thus
, if we know about
science
, it could support everything in our
life
.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly with the use of transition words. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "this is because", you can use transitions such as "furthermore" or "moreover" to connect ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more detailed and specific examples. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your points clearer and more convincing. Try to use a variety of examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and you have presented both views, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay and your main points are well organized, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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