some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views

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Currently,
people
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have different views as to whether a lot of
people
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trust that
students
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should learn
science
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classes.
However
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, others believe that other
subjects
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as well as
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history
Use synonyms
are
also
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beneficial for them. Despite the fact that
history
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and other
subjects
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are very significant for some
people
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, I believe that
science
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will play a crucial role in real
life
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in the future. On the one hand,
history
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and other
subjects
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are interesting for a lot of
students
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.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
students
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have different talents and they have various interests in each individual.
For example
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, some
students
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can paint and draw pictures, they will think that art is necessary for them.
In addition
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, some children like reading about world
history
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, they usually think that
history
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is important to them.
Therefore
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, the benefits of
subjects
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will depend on the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
of individuals.
On the other hand
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, a lot of
people
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think that
students
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should be paying attention to
science
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.
This
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is because
science
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relates to part of
people
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's lives.
For instance
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, when
people
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play football , they have to know about momentum to shoot the ball into the goal.
Moreover
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,
science
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will be logical in everything.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
students
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can analyze and resolve problems by themselves.
For example
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, when children have to learn in university, they can use it for their thesis.
As a result
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,
science
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subjects
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are the most basic for
students
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. In conclusion, in my perspective,
science
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subjects
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are fundamental for everybody's
life
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because
science
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is the basis of nature and human
life
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is a part of nature.
Thus
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, if we know about
science
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, it could support everything in our
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly with the use of transition words. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "this is because", you can use transitions such as "furthermore" or "moreover" to connect ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more detailed and specific examples. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your points clearer and more convincing. Try to use a variety of examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and you have presented both views, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay and your main points are well organized, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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