IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the internet to help them find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option? Give reasons for your answer and include any relative examples form your own knowledge and experience.

Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, due to the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 in recession there are lots of graduate students
haven’t
Correct pronoun usage
who haven’t
show examples
find
Change the verb form
found
show examples
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold that
government
Use synonyms
 must provide
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 so that those unemployed students can use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to find
jobs
Use synonyms
, while others stand that there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 necessary to provide
Use synonyms
Add an article
a phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to every unemployed
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 that
government
Use synonyms
 should give mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 to no
job
Use synonyms
 person.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the reason why
government
Use synonyms
 needn’t provide
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 is that
this
Linking Words
 is not a solution for them to find their
jobs
Use synonyms
. Having
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 (to access the internet) is one of the factors that can help them to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, while it is not the biggest factor why they can’t find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the biggest question that why they can’t find the
job
Use synonyms
 is that they do not have a special skill or enough ability for them to be employed. (The skills they have are not needed or out of date.) The
first
Linking Words
 thing
government
Use synonyms
 must open a class (training programmers) for them to learn
such
Linking Words
 as computer
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or some
others license
Fix the agreement mistake
other licenses
show examples
 (training courses).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the way of using the internet and mobile phones is uncontrollable. We don’t know whether mobile phones will bring
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for jobless
people
Use synonyms
 or not.
In addition
Linking Words
, it might have a possibility that some
people
Use synonyms
 want to have a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 and refuse to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Change preposition
Government
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will give every unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 (jobless
people
Use synonyms
) a
phone
Use synonyms
,
would
Correct pronoun usage
which would
show examples
 let some
people
Use synonyms
 think that if they don’t have a
job
Use synonyms
, they will have a free mobile
phone
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the motivation of finding a
job
Use synonyms
 will decline. In conclusion,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 with a free mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is not a good way for
people
Use synonyms
 to find
jobs
Use synonyms
. In
worse
Add a comma
,worse
show examples
 it will be a factor that
people
Use synonyms
 dislike finding a
job
Use synonyms
. For a good solution,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should open a class (give a free and better-quality training) for unemployed students to learn more
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or have some other new skills for them to have
a higher opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a higher opportunity
higher opportunities
show examples
(more efficient a helping the unemployed ) to find a
job
Use synonyms
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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