Some people think that the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the internet to help them find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option? Give reasons for your answer and include any relative examples form your own knowledge and experience.

#people #government #phone #access #internet #jobs #option #form

Now a days

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

, due to the

economic

Replace the word

economy

show examples

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

in recession there are lots of graduate students

haven’t

Correct pronoun usage

who haven’t

show examples

find

Change the verb form

found

show examples

their

jobs

. Some

people

hold that

government

must provide

them

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

mobile

Add an article

the mobile

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

so that those unemployed students can use

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

to find

jobs

, while others stand that there is

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

necessary to provide

Add an article

a phone

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

to every unemployed

people

This

essay totally

disagree

Change the verb form

disagrees

show examples

that

government

should give mobile

phone

to no

job

person.

Firstly

, the reason why

government

needn’t provide

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

is that

this

is not a solution for them to find their

jobs

. Having

phone

Correct article usage

a phone

show examples

(to access the internet) is one of the factors that can help them to find

the

Correct article usage

show examples

job

, while it is not the biggest factor why they can’t find

the

Correct article usage

show examples

job

. In my

opinion

Add a comma

,opinion

show examples

the biggest question that why they can’t find the

job

is that they do not have a special skill or enough ability for them to be employed. (The skills they have are not needed or out of date.) The

first

thing

government

must open a class (training programmers) for them to learn

such

as computer

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

or some

others license

Fix the agreement mistake

other licenses

show examples

(training courses).

Furthermore

, the way of using the internet and mobile phones is uncontrollable. We don’t know whether mobile phones will bring

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

for jobless

people

or not.

In addition

, it might have a possibility that some

people

want to have a mobile

phone

and refuse to find

the

Correct article usage

show examples

job

Due to

Change preposition

Government

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

will give every unemployed

people

(jobless

people

) a

phone

would

Correct pronoun usage

which would

show examples

let some

people

think that if they don’t have a

job

, they will have a free mobile

phone

As a result

, the motivation of finding a

job

will decline. In conclusion,

provide

Wrong verb form

providing

show examples

unemployed

people

with a free mobile

phone

is not a good way for

people

to find

jobs

. In

worse

Add a comma

,worse

show examples

it will be a factor that

people

dislike finding a

job

. For a good solution,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should open a class (give a free and better-quality training) for unemployed students to learn more

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

or have some other new skills for them to have

a higher opportunities

Correct the article-noun agreement

a higher opportunity

higher opportunities

show examples

(more efficient a helping the unemployed ) to find a

job

Submitted by celinelee0903 on Mon Dec 20 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

356 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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