IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#students #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In ,education some teachers will give
punishment
Use synonyms
 if
students
Use synonyms
 do the wrong thing or because of a bad
score
Use synonyms
. Some people think that
students
Use synonyms
 will have a better behave if the teacher gives
students
Use synonyms
 rewards, while others hold that because of the
punishment
Use synonyms
student
Use synonyms
 have a better performance.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both sides and stands that
students
Use synonyms
 will perform better when they are rewarded. The most significant reason why
students
Use synonyms
 perform better if teachers give rewards is because of motivation.
Students
Use synonyms
 will have more motivated if they know that having a good
score
Use synonyms
 can bring them definitely.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was a
student
Use synonyms
, I want to have more money to buy the thing I want. In
this
Linking Words
 ,situation if I know that have good behaviour in school or have a good
score
Use synonyms
 my mother will rise my pocket money, I will study harder and be a good
student
Use synonyms
 due to the reward.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, giving rewards can let
students
Use synonyms
 feel a sense of accomplishment. Due to creating the
next
Linking Words
 accomplishment
student
Use synonyms
 will try their best in school.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
punishment
Use synonyms
 might let
students
Use synonyms
 have good behaviour due to being afraid of the
punishment
Use synonyms
, whereas
this
Linking Words
 will not stay for a long time.
Students
Use synonyms
 will never understand why they need to have a good
score
Use synonyms
 or why they need to have a better performance. They only understand that having bad behaviour will that they to be punished.
This
Linking Words
 will not bring benefit in their future. In conclusion,
students
Use synonyms
 will have a better performance in school when they are rewarded. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 will definitely bring good effect for
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
punishment
Use synonyms
 will only bring a short time of result, for
student
Use synonyms
’s future punish is not the best way in education.
Submitted by celinelee0903 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: