IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more people tend to watch foreign movies, so the local government should encourage the development of local film industry. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #movies #government #development #film #industry
It is admitted that foreign
films
 have become more popular in our society. I completely agree with the idea that the local film industry is essential for the local community and it should be developed by the local government.
To begin
 with, many
people
 seem to prefer to watch foreign
films
 rather than local
films
, because these
films
 tend to have better promotion and quality.
For example
, those
movies
 invested by large foreign companies tend to be more attractive to local
people
.
Furthermore
, international
movies
 appear to have subtitles and
translation
Fix the agreement mistake
translations
show examples
 for many countries,
whereas
 local
films
 rarely provide different language options.
This
 causes the vicious circle that local
movies
 become niche and international
movies
 become more popular and profitable.
As a result
, local tradition and
culture
 appear to disappear gradually. From my perspective, the local government should give
support
Correct word choice
financial support
show examples
 to local
movies
financially
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. First of all, local
films
 not only represent a particular
culture
 but
also
 have the potential of promoting the unique local
culture
 to a wide range of
people
, which would be an extremely useful material
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cultural preservation and sometimes could serve as an introduction to foreigners.
Also
,
films
 about local lives
are
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 easy for youngsters to understand the meanings behind the
movies
 and learn a great deal of knowledge in terms of local history.
This
 could help young
people
 form a relationship with the locale and
thus
 it is beneficial to city development. In conclusion, I understand why
people
 are likely to watch foreign
movies
, but it seems to me it is more helpful to develop the local film industry in order to protect the local
culture
.
Submitted by zyoo95 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the topic. Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the extent to which the local government should encourage the development of the local film industry.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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