IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views ang give your opinion

#people #school #students #news #subjects #waste #time #ang
News
 is a great source of information, especially international
news
. And some people think that secondary
school
students
 should learn it as
one
 of their subjects, while other
oject
Correct your spelling
object
 to the idea. And in my
opition
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am both agree and disagree with
this
 matter because of some specific reasons. There is a saying;"
Knowledge
 is power",
therefore
 when
one's gather
Change the verb form
one gathers
show examples
 more and more
knowledge
, it will open more paths for it to take and many more things it can do. And it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 perfect for secondary
school
students
 because they are at an age where they must learn as much as possible, gather as much
knowledge
 as they can so they can utilize it in
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
. And studying it at
school
 will do just that, by learning international
news
 at
school
 not only
students
 will gather more
knowledge
 for later but they will
also
 get a grasp of what happening around them and can make use of whatever
chances
Correct your spelling
changes
show examples
 that may appear.
News
 can be
access
Wrong verb form
accessed
show examples
 by pretty much anyone on the planet, especially international
news
 because it is broadcast to the whole world to see. And that
one
 aspect can make the entire idea of studying it at secondary
school
uneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 because most
students
 have already known about it beforehand. And studying about the
president
Replace the word
presidential
show examples
 debate that you have just watched on the TV
last
 night can quite boring for some
students
 or even people and it can be a big waste of
one
's valuable time and energy. Another
problems
Replace the adjective
problem
show examples
 is that some of the
news
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not really appropriate for children of that
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 to know about. Knowing about the president
debateis
Correct your spelling
debate is
debates
 fine, but knowing about terrorism?
someone
Add a missing verb
Did someone
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 assassinated? or just some car accidents can have great impacts on children of that ages which can only make things worse. After all of that, it is still unknown
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whether secondary
school
students
 should study international
news
 as
one
 of their subjects or not.
Therefore
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 my opinion, it can
be only depend
Change the verb form
only depend
show examples
 on certain circumstances should secondary
students
 be learning international
news
 or not because it can give bad influences if not thought carefully.
Submitted by msphuong1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: