IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a high tax on this kind of food. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #government #tax
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Citizens in many countries have an argument that consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 having health problems
such
Linking Words
 as heart attack and high blood pressure.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Authorities should hand
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem by forcing high
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will discuss supporting reasons in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, As the officials raise
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
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 price rate for
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
the unhealthy
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meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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,
food
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 supply brands will be aware of producing health-giving nutrition to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Local Market Organization has revealed that many fast
food
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 companies add many tasty
flavors
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flavours
show examples
 and ingredients which is not beneficial to
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 for making their cuisine being popular. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, imposing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 salty
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
show examples
 or unhealthy ingredients will make the cuisines try to produce
food
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 healthier
such
Linking Words
 as decreasing salt and sugar to the
food
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 or using healthy oil for
deep fried
Add a hyphen
deep-fried
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, giving high
tax
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 for junk
food
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 will make citizens in the country try to find healthier restaurants. Particularly, the Consumption Behavior Organization shows the result from
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 where the governments give an extra
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
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. The report shows that the trends of society’s consumption are gradually better by trying to eat salads and fresh fruits which cheaper than those kinds of restaurants. From
this
Linking Words
 case, it is reasonable to raise
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 for controlling eating
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. To summarize, I agree with the statement that people nowadays are encounter to health problems which is mostly caused from fast
food
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 and, the government should give an extra
tax
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 payment for these kinds of nutrition.
This
Linking Words
 solution will help their citizens get better health by trying healthier
food
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the restaurants produce their
food
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 carefully.
Submitted by patsam.patsy on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
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