IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

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The issue of
children
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 making
decisions
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 on personal matters has garnered significant attention in recent years.
While
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 some argue that permitting
children
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 to make their own choices on everyday matters can create a
society
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 of ambitious
people
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 who only think about themselves, others believe that it is very important to consider
children
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's opinions on
issues
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 that affect them.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and the writer explains his own idea. To commence with the first idea, considering that some
people
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 think that if they allow
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about their personal
issues
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, it will lead to the formation of a
society
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 of
people
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 who only think about their dreams,
although
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 if they are not allowed to make
decisions
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 about their personal
issues
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, it will lead to the formation of A
society
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 of bored, nervous and depressed
people
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.
For example
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, consider the country of North Korea, where
people
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 are not allowed to try on their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 clothes, do whatever their government tells them to do, often are not allowed to own cars, and everyone has to go into long-term military service.
As a result
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 of all these mentioned cases, it creates a depressed
society
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 with many mental and psychological problems. On the flip side, some
people
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 believe that
children
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's opinions should be taken into account when making
decisions
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 about their personal
issues
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 that affect their present and future lives because
this
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 will create a
society
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 of happy and energetic
people
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 in the future.
For example
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, if we consider the countries of Europe and North America, I see that by giving
people
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 the right to choose in their personal matters, the governments formed a
society
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 of creative, intelligent, and motivated
people
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.
To conclude
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, allowing
children
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 to make their own
decisions
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 about their personal and daily
issues
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 not only creates a
society
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 of
people
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 who only think about their wishes but
also
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 creates a creative and useful
society
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.

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complete response
While the essay discusses both views and provides examples, some of the ideas could be expanded further. Specifically, the comparison between countries could delve deeper into how exactly allowing children to make decisions leads to a more creative society.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some sentences are quite long and might benefit from being broken down into shorter, clearer statements. This would enhance clarity and make the essay more comprehensible.
relevant specific examples
It would be useful to provide examples that directly relate to children's decisions, rather than focusing broadly on societal examples.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. This helps in clearly presenting the writer's stance.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to the arguments, with each paragraph focusing on a separate viewpoint which is generally in line with IELTS standards.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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