IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

If you could change an event in history, what would it be?

#change #event #history
In 1915, a tragic event happened. The Ottoman Turks raided Armenian territory and took large portions of land. Needless to say, the Ottomans
also
 killed 1.5 million Armenians in the process. It was hard to recover for the Armenians since most of their people were either killed or taken as hostages or war slaves. The
first
 reason why I would change that situation is because of the number of casualties. Innocent civilians and residents died left and right.
This
 had a huge effect on the residents, whose relatives died due to the Ottomans. Since so many innocents died, the race grew at very slow rates.
Secondly
 is the loss of land. Armenia is one of the smallest countries in the world. Armenia used to be a prosperous empire filled with flourishing markets and cities. It has been seen as an irrelevant country for the past 100 years.
Finally
, most of the US senate is coming to the agreement that the Armenian Genocide was in fact a real occurrence.
Thirdly
 is the modern-day political disputes. Many years later, the country of Azerbaijan,some may call Turkey’s Puppet State, declared a territory called Artsakh as theirs. The Armenians eventually won the battle of Artsakh in 1994, but another battle started in September of 2020. Unfortunately, our corrupt government, including the villain in
this
 ​story, Nikol Pashinyan, stopped the war in the middle of the Armenian Victory. The genocide is a big issue in the past and still is. Its effects have caused so many negative downsides. It is good that the US is now looking into
this
 problem, but as we all say “ our wounds will never close”
Submitted by sargsyan_armine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: