IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growth of the online shopping will one day lead to the closure of shopping stores in cities. Do you agree or disagree with this.

In the present-day scenario, we are observing online shopping taking a major share
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 shopping. It has happened
due to
Linking Words
 the growth of technology, which has led to a better virtual shopping experience. Other prevailing situations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 long work hours and busy schedules, have been helpful in online shopping
grow
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. As
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Check wording
result
show examples
effect
Add a comma
effect,
show examples
 Individuals prefer online shopping rather than visiting shopping centres. Some believe it may eventually lead to
closing
Correct article usage
the closing
show examples
 down of the shopping stores in cities. In the
below paragraph
Correct word order
paragraph below
show examples
, we will discuss
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how I disagree with said statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, even with the improved technology
online
Punctuation problem
, online
show examples
 shoppers are not able to give the customers a feel of the commodity until they buy. It is literally impossible for customers to buy products when the criteria for selecting the items are based on how they feel.
For example
Linking Words
, it is highly unlikely
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
 buy clothes until we touch and wear them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the process used in online shopping for
return
Fix the agreement mistake
returns
show examples
 and damage is not up to the mark.
we
Fix capitalization
We
show examples
 get easy replacements and returns in shopping centres, where we have already visited and know the seller. Even the amount of returns and
exchange
Fix the agreement mistake
exchanges
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 low when the product is purchased after a complete check.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the online pricing at times
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is not
trustable
Correct word choice
trustworthy
show examples
, especially when you have not done enough research on the product.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though in the
last
Linking Words
 decade online shopping has made tremendous progress
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and improved its share in shopping. But it is still unable to replicate the shopping experience given by shopping centres, especially the feel, comfort,
stress
Correct word choice
and stress
show examples
 relief that you get when you touch the product. With little improvements in pricing and packaging and
overall
Linking Words
 experience, shopping stores can retain the glory days and ensure they stay alive in the market. In future, we may see a change, like smaller shops making way to bigger shops, which have better pricing and logistics. But the closure of shopping complexes is very unlikely .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Your view is clear but you need more depth. Add more points and give real examples to back your claim.
structure
Make better topic sentences. Start each paragraph with a clear idea and link to the last one.
language
Fix mistakes in grammar and use proper punctuation. Check spell.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas.
task
The essay shows a clear view that online shopping will not end shops.
structure
There is a basic form with intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Use of some connectors like Firstly, Secondly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: