Some people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends

It is unarguable that

time

management is vital for living. Many individuals believe that spending a lot of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time

on improving their occupation paths is more crucial than socializing with their families and

friends

. I firmly support that

friends

and family are priority over devoting to professional growth. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views in detail.

To begin

with, getting promoted to a higher level at work leads to a higher salary.

Therefore

, the expenditure could be used without worry.

For instance

, with

higher

Correct article usage

a higher

show examples

income, paying for luxurious bags and cosmetics would be much

Change the word

apply

show examples

easier.

Secondly

, nowadays,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the market has a high level of competition.

Therefore

, it forces many labourers to improve themselves all the

time

. These are reasons why some people focus on their vocations more.

On the other hand

, there are many reasons why some individuals feel delighted to use their quality

time

with their family and

friends

Firstly

, having a healthy relationship with family is vital for lives as

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one would care

you

Change preposition

for you

show examples

as much as your family does.

For example

, mothers have always taken care of housing tasks, even these works required a lot of contributions.

Therefore

, spending

time

to interact and assist them would be grateful

also

can prevent them from stress.

Secondly

, Friend is important as human beings need social interactions. They are someone whom you can rely on when we have any troubles to consult with, no matter in a good or bad situation.

Hence

, Sharing some

time

with

friends

would help you get a closer relationship. To conclude, despite the fact that spending

time

at the office would bring many extra money and opportunities, I believe that family and

friends

are important factors to make our lives completed and are those are the priority.

Submitted by methamongsri on Fri Dec 24 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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