IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
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Modern medicine has evolved along two lines: prevention and cure. In
this
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 world, many
people
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 are dying from various types of
health
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-related problems due to the lack of appropriate
health
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 education and preventive actions.
That is
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 why, according to my perception,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should spend a huge
amount
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 of money from
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 budget for preventive measures.
To begin
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 with, it is evident that, in most of the country's
health
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 education is hardly imparted among the
people
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. When
people
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 are made aware
about
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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-related issues it naturally implies prevention of umpteen
diseases
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 which can be avoided with basic alterations in lifestyles.
For example
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, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
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developing countries,
people
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 are suffering from so many communicable
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 because they do not know about
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of having unhygienic food and water.
Moreover
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, If the
government
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 can provide the information about basic preventive steps which can be inculcated at
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
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grassroot
Correct your spelling
grassroots
 level
then
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 the chances of spread of various
diseases
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 are alleviated and
hence
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this
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 would improve the overall
health
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 of
people
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.
Also
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, another major reason is creating awareness would definitely consume
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 funds of the
government
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 and would have more positive impacts.
On the other hand
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, it should
also
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 be remembered that not all examples of modern
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 are preventable or predictable, and it is critical to
maintain
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maintaining
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 research into cures for all
diseases
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.
Hence
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certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
amount
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 of
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 budget should be diverted in curing
diseases
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 as well.
For example
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,
life taking
Add a hyphen
life-taking
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diseases
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such
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 as cancer cannot be prevented with basic measures and
hence
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 there should be funds allocated to the cure and research of
such
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 gruesome
diseases
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. To conclude, it can be said that, the
government
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 should spend
sufficient
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a sufficient
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amount
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 of money on treatment too, but
high
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a high
the high
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 proportion of
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amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 should be spent on
health
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 education and preventive measures so that the population of the country can live in a healthy environment with less price.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • public awareness
  • proactive approach
  • unsustainable
  • economic productivity
  • healthcare system
  • vaccinations
  • curative measures
  • comprehensive healthcare
  • financial burden
  • incidence
  • preventable diseases
  • eradicating
  • controlling
  • allocated
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