IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this?

#worker #age #people
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Doing any kind of
sports
Use synonyms
, constitutes an important sector in many people’s
life
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lives
show examples
, as it represents a recreational activity as well as a
way
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 of
exercise
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. In
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
 there are
group
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sports
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,
such
Linking Words
 as basketball, and individual
sports
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,
such
Linking Words
 as running. Many people claim that
group
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial while others have a different point of view. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will assess both views and
then
Linking Words
 give an opinion. On the one hand, in
sports
Use synonyms
 that are played in teams,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the technique
that is
Linking Words
 required to play, people have to cooperate with each other in order to perform well all together. In
this
Linking Words
way
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, someone can gain a lot not only through
exercise
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 but
also
Linking Words
 through the process of participating in a team, as it promotes the mentality of cooperation and not
competition
Add an article
a competition
show examples
 against each other.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
group
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sports
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 can be a recreational activity, as it is
way
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 easier to play with friends, something that can motivate someone
begin
Add the particle
to begin
show examples
 doing
sports
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when he can
exercise
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 and have fun at the same time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individual
sports
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 are
way
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 easier to do by yourself, something that can be extremely positive if someone does not have a lot of time and needs to organize his own schedule by himself.
Also
Linking Words
,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 being independent and creating your own
exercise
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 plan, individual
sports
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 can be quite beneficial as they help you develop your own character and overcome any obstacles by yourself. Doing a sport alone gives you the opportunity to control everything and understand that only you have the responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your own actions, when in order to achieve something you just need
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
 yourself . In conclusion,
group
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sports
Use synonyms
 constitute a
way
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 of having fun but
also
Linking Words
 learning how to cooperate at the same time, while individual
sports
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 let you be more independent and more focused on yourself. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I would suggest
group
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sports
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 as I believe you gain a lot more by being a part of a team, improving
also
Linking Words
 your social skills.
Submitted by mghazya on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • social security
  • life expectancy
  • mental and physical well-being
  • active and engaged
  • mentorship
  • knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • physical strength
  • workplace safety
  • healthcare costs
  • accommodation
  • financial strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: