IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

with the access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of danger situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#access #internet #media #websites #children #danger #situations #adults #limit
Although
 many people would argue that online access is worthful for easy learning. I think it must be
limtized
Correct your spelling
limited
 by parents because it would be effect adversely on kids
such
 as physically and mentally as well as less socially.
This
 discussion in the essay aims to reason and reach or logical conclusion in subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the over usage of the internet may badly affect the physical condition of juveniles in a plethora of ways.
First
 and foremost, it reduced the efficiency of human organs and that lead to many risky health conditions like back pain, eyesight and so on.
Secondly
, one of the major unpleasant outcomes of passage to online is its child's impact on sleeping habits. To cite an example for it, a recent study conducted in Western countries published a report that almost 78% of juveniles are struggling from
this
 kind of
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
.
Hence
, it is clear that the newly
developed
Replace the word
developing
show examples
 trends of society definitely
paves
Wrong verb form
pave
show examples
 the way for serious fitness issues.
Furthermore
, online access leads the human being to different mental disorders.
First
 of all, the addiction to
this
 currently emerged trend of modern society makes the students less socially. To explain it, they do not know the normal rules and regulations of the community and they do not have minimal knowledge about the mingling of people.
As a result
 of
this
 thing is they try to lead an isolated life.
For instance
, recently social media published an incident that a five years old boy committed suicide due to the over usage of digital access.
Therefore
, the relationship between addiction to electronic devices and a person's mental health is clearly justified. To recapitulate, it can be reiterated that continuous
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 harmful effects on homo sapiens. I think proper maintaining and controlling by parents aid the child to learn more knowledge and information related to their studies as well as from society.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: