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Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
With the rapid development of the
food
 industry, many manufactured
food
 and drink
products
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 contain
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
 have
being
Change the verb form
been
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
’s
life
. I do not believe that increasing the
price
 of sugary
products
 is an appropriate way to encourage
people
 to have less
sugar
 intake while some think it’s right because sugary
products
 cause many
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems. Many low and middle-income
people
 will undertake a higher
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 cost if sugary
products
 are made more expensive. Low and
middle income
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
people
 make up the vast majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Most of them usually choose
these manufactured
Change the determiner
this manufactured food
show examples
food
 as working meals because they do not have adequate time to cook a meal or sit down to have delicious meals during
Add an article
the work
show examples
work day
Correct your spelling
workday
show examples
. The manufactured
food
 supports
their
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most fundamental energy even though there is much
sugar
 in it. It will stop
people
 who really require them to buy them at a low
price
 while the wealthy do not care if increasing the
price
 of sugary
products
. When talking about physical
health
, only considering how much
sugar
people
 consume is one-sided because the reason for
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 is complex and comprehensive. Enough exercise, regular daily routine, and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 mood are all important factors of
health
 that cannot be ignored.
As a result
, only increasing the
price
 of manufactured
food
 is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 simple and rude method. In summary, it is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 no-brainer policy that makes sugary
products
 more expensive to urge
people
consume
Fix the infinitive
to consume
show examples
 less
sugar
. Simply raising prices will make
life
 more expensive for many groups, leaving the public complaining. I believe that encouraging
people
 to improve
health
 awareness and make a habit of healthy
life
are better measures
Change the verb form
better measures
show examples
. Meanwhile, companies can update
food
 industry technology to produce more healthy
food
.
Submitted by wangpr98 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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