IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people,however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#governments #progress #people #country
Some democracies believe that the most crucial aim is economic
growth
 for any
country
.
Although
, there are other individuals who ascertain that other types of developments are fairly vital. In my opinion, one should aim towards a solution that leads towards a better society. On one hand, economic progress is most significant so that every nation has the required funds to develop itself. These countries utilise
such
 funds to improve the facilities and provide better infrastructure to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 citizens.
For example
, if
people
 earn high wages and pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes to their government, the leaders will provide good healthcare facilities, building
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, improved road systems e
tcetera
Correct your spelling
etcetera
.
This
 means that there will be no accidents on roads and
people
 do not have to travel to other countries in case of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
complicated surgery. In short, if a democracy grows financially, the
people
 living in that
country
 will lead a good standard lifestyle.
On the other hand
,
people
 believe that the governing bodies should not only focus on funds but
also
 on other types of progress
such
 as
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 education system and environmental development. A recent study indicated that many Asian students travel to other
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 countries because they provide
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 education
that is
 beneficial for their career development.
Also
, the government should give equal importance to issues like global warming as economic
growth
 is destroying our nature which in return will impact us hugely.
Such
 climate changes may cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the extinction of humans which means that there will be no nation to develop anymore. To conclude, I strongly believe
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the latter viewpoint because a nation should be alive for its
growth
. While economic
growth
 will bring forth money to grow any
country
, expansion in
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
, controlling climate changes and many other forms of
growth
 are equally important for a
country
 to survive.
Submitted by manjyot_k88 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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