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Band 4

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages
In
this
 contemporary world,
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 totally changed
people
's life.It is believed that
music
 can play a significant role in gathering all kinds of individuals in terms of culture and age.I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs. One of the major plus points of
music
 is the fact that it can readily change
people
's
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
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. It
also
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
relationship
Add an article
the relationship
a relationship
show examples
.I take
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 party as an example.When
music
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 in
this
 ceremony,all members of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
such
 as children,parents,grandpa and grandmom will get together for dancing or
singing
Wrong verb form
sing
show examples
 the popular track with each other.We can easily see the warm atmosphere among them, while if
music
 did not exist,all members would dazzle at
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
 screen. Regarding a bigger group
such
 as society,when special
music
 festivals are held,a majority of different types of
people
 will come to the festival.We can see all ages,religions,cultures and so on.
That is
 to say,
music
 can unite
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the best way
way
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
,
also
 in some international countries,like
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
,some
music
played
Add a missing verb
is played
show examples
 in the street which is related to
specific
Add an article
a specific
the specific
show examples
 country.Thereby,
this
 work attracts a lot of
people
.
Finally
,
music
 can aid
people
 to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
hangout
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
 with each other in every age and culture. In conclusion,
music
 can
inffluence
Correct your spelling
influence
 on various things.One of them is to build unity among
people
,so I suppose that government
ahould
Correct your spelling
should
 use
this
 opportunity and allocate
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these events.
Therefore
,they can create a vibrant city with
music
.
Submitted by zahranajaran10 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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