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Band 4.5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
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These days the feeling of unsecured can be
Use synonyms
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 both while
people
Use synonyms
 stay
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
inside or outside
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
.
Correct determiner usage
This
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These
Change preposition
In these
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 essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss the roots
why
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of why
show examples
 these
Use synonyms
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 and suggest some possible solutions
to
Remove the particle
apply
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solve them. There are many reasons to support why
people
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 can feel unsafe everywhere.
First
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 of all, the response
of
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to
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 the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of criminal cases around living areas
make
Change the verb form
makes
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people
Use synonyms
 become more nervous about the higher possibility to
Use synonyms
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
happened
 with them.
Secondly
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, the criminal places are used for committing the crime. If the situation
Use synonyms
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happens
 in the house, it will increase fear emotions in the communities.
Moreover
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, The more the lack of
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
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in
Change preposition
on
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 duty and bad services of them
are
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is
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, the more unsafe feelings are high up. The solutions for these problems can be in several ways. Hiring more police to protect
people
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 in the areas is one
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great choice to attack the problem. The
next
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 idea is
applying
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to apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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hard punishment for the
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 cases in order to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the fear to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad things.
Lastly
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, introducing the high technologies to help detect the cases. To
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the high definition of
camera
Add an article
the camera
a camera
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 in
drone
Add an article
a drone
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 can use to chase
theif
Correct your spelling
thief
 who had just
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 the crime not only in outdoor but
also
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 indoor as it is seen in many news
report
Change to a plural noun
reports
show examples
. In conclusion, the roots of unsafe
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 from
people
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 can be solved in many ways.
Moreover
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, in my opinion, society
need
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needs
show examples
 to have public
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own areas as well since it would add more
people
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 to monitor the situations and the communities would become
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
.
Submitted by chotika.cloud on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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