IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which of these two systems is more appropriate in today’s world?

#countries #schools #aim #education #range #subjects #children #focus #career #two #systems #today’s #world
Some countries arrange a wide range of matters in the secondary level curriculum.
However
, others offer limited subjects which aim to prepare
children
 for specific employment. In my opinion, the former education system is more suitable than the latter one. I will support my opinion in the following paragraph. On the one hand, offering various subjects in secondary school broaden pupils' horizons, and they gain a lot of knowledge from various topics.
For instance
, they learn about, physics, mathematics, chemistry, medicine accompanied by art and music. So, they will obtain a better understanding of their skills and interests, and
also
 their weaknesses.
As a result
, they could make better decisions about their future field of study and jobs.
This
 method is crucial in today's world in which most people are not pleased with their careers for not choosing the correct fields of study.
This
 dissatisfaction sometimes leads to depression and other mental and even physical illnesses.
On the other hand
, schools with limited ranges of topics by concentrating on just restricted subjects prepare
children
 for their future career. Students could either easily find employment after finishing their high school or continuing in tertiary level to become masters.
However
, I do not find
this
 education system acceptable. After all, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 they may not find their job satisfying because they should choose their field of study at an early age, and they are not given a chance to explore other fields. In conclusion,
However
, preparing
children
 for a specific career at an early stage by educating them in a narrow range of subject have seen potential merit in some circumstance I believe showing other areas of knowledge to
children
 make them more aware of their interests and skills.
Submitted by behnaz.babayani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: