IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in d past. what do u think is d reason behind this what are d effects on individuals and people around them.

#people #reason #effects #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
sleep is essential for the body, and mind to function properly. In recent times,
people
Use synonyms
 sleep less than they use to in the past decades.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be discussing the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 and the effects on individuals and
people
Use synonyms
 around them. Increasing competition in the world today
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for less sleep. Many
Use synonyms
work
Change to a plural noun
works
show examples
 tirelessly
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to meet up to standards; almost everybody
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to live up to the same calibre as
people
Use synonyms
 in
"high
Correct article usage
the "high
show examples
 class". Many do not want to cut their coat according to their size,and
as a result
Linking Words
, they take two or more jobs so as to meet up. some take huge loans to buy
Correct article usage
the lastest
show examples
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
show examples
 cars mad houses they cannot afford. so they end up paying debts throughout their
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 time. Misuse of technology devices is another reason .Many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
sleep less
Correct your spelling
sleepless
show examples
 at night especially, the youths; they spend more time on their electronics
gadget's
Change the noun form
gadgets
gadget
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as hi phones and laptops. They are either playing games or
suffing
Correct your spelling
surfing
suffering
 the internet when there are
suppose
Wrong verb form
supposed
show examples
 to be sleeping. Technology is good but young
people
Use synonyms
 need to be educated on the importance of enough sleep.
Moreover
Linking Words
, less sleep has drastic effects on individuals and
people
Use synonyms
 around them. The effect on
Add an article
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 is that they become "less productive" at
work
Use synonyms
.
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 function less at their
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 , some find it difficult to focus and retain some specific
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.For students who sleep less at night ,they find it difficult to concentrate and learn in class and later become less active. The effect on
people
Use synonyms
 around them is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 their productivity negatively.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a team leader or a boss at
work
Use synonyms
 suddenly become less active,others
such
Linking Words
 as employees will
also
Linking Words
 lose focus and
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 organizational goal will be achieved.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in the past
sleep
Wrong verb form
slept
show examples
 more because, there is less competition and there was no advancement in technology
then
Linking Words
.
Individual
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
show examples
 nowadays need to be educated on the need for enough sleep.
Submitted by debbyrise3560 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: