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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people spend a lot of time using social media. Why is this happening, and what effects does it have on individuals and society?

In recent years, the use of social
media
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 has become increasingly common among people of all ages.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 trend is largely driven by the user-friendly design of social
media
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 applications and their convenience, and that the main effects on
individuals
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 and
society
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 include
health
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 problems and increasingly sedentary lifestyles. One of the main reasons why people spend so much time on social
media
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 is the highly engaging design of these platforms. Applications
such
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 as Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook feature endless scrolling, notifications, and
personalized
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personalised
show examples
 content feeds, which encourage continuous interaction.
In addition
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, social
media
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 provides convenience by enabling instant communication with friends and family and offering easy access to entertainment and news.
For instance
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, many teenagers check their social
media
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 accounts multiple times a day because the apps notify them of new messages or trending content, prompting prolonged usage. The extensive use of social
media
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 has several notable effects on both
individuals
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 and
society
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. On an individual level, excessive screen time can lead to
health
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 issues
such
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 as eye strain, sleep disturbances, and heightened stress levels.
Moreover
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, spending long hours online often encourages a sedentary lifestyle, which may contribute to obesity and other related illnesses. On a societal level,
this
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 trend can place additional burdens on public
health
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 systems and reduce face-to-face social interactions, which are essential for community cohesion.
For example
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, a study in the United States found that adults who spent more than three hours a day on social
media
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 were more likely to experience anxiety and physical inactivity, which has broader implications for healthcare costs and social well-being. In conclusion, social
media
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 usage is increasing
due to
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 its engaging design and convenience, but it has significant effects on both
individuals
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 and
society
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, including
health
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 problems and more sedentary lifestyles. As
this
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 trend continues,
individuals
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 must use social
media
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 responsibly,
while
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society
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 implements measures to mitigate its negative impacts.

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task response
For task response, your answer is full and stays on the topic. To get a higher score, add one more deep effect on society, not only health and less movement.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points could be more fully explained. For example, say more about how social media changes real-life relationships or work and study.
task response
For task response, your examples are good and relevant. To make them stronger, use one more clear and direct example from daily life or a known report.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, which is good. To improve, link the second paragraph more clearly to the question by showing effects on both people and society in a more balanced way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your linking words are used well, such as 'in addition', 'moreover', and 'for example'. To get a higher score, vary them a little more and make some links smoother.
task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly: why people use social media a lot, and what effects it has.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and mostly well developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of basic linking words helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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